This is a test

I just downloaded the wordpress app for my phone for shits and giggles (mostly for giggles). I can’t imagine I’ll have something so pertinent to say that ill have to blog it on the go, but you never know. Currently, I am sitting at my desk in front of a perfectly good computer, working on the strain in my neck as I “type” this. Its been an okay morning, though we are busy and I’m freaking starving. Did I bring a lunch? Nope! That’s way too practical and cost effective, and I’m far too cool. Ummm…. Yeah. I got nothing else. Good stuff. Glad we had this talk.


Bring it, 2011

New Years Resolushuns

  1. Lose all sense of tact and reserve when talking about what’s on my mind
  2. Pick up a cost effective bad habit to replace my expensive ones
  3. Sever all emotional attachments
  4. Write a lot more
  5. Quit drunk driving
  6. Learn how to juggle
  7. Learn how to yodel
  8. Learn how to yodel while juggling
  9. Install the fear of God in my girls and make them watch videos on delivering babies and meth
  10. Go shooting more
  11. Get a bigger place for my girls and I to live
  12. Get back into Sallie Mae’s good graces so I can go back to school
  13. Get roofied in Vegas by a mentally dysfunctional person
  14. Get proposed to so I can say “no”
  15. Learn German
  16. Go on a real vacation aside from the Vegas roofie trip
  17. Resolve not to wait until a marked day on the calendar to resolve things in my life that are less than favorable
  18. Waste not a moment of my time on that which will deter me from what I’ve set to resolve while my fancy new calendar is on my wall


Ever love a place so much that you wanted to leave
Ever love someone so much you wanted them gone
Ever love the sound of music so much you crave silence’s song?

Ever summon the nothing
To feel a sense of peace
Ever wish decent into the void to make the blinding light cease?

Well, that sucks. But take comfort in knowing you’re not the only one.


It’s happening. The series of leading to the outcome I’ve been dreading/anticipating is coming to pass.

I’m not happy about this. But that is irrelevant in lieu of necessity.

Thanks, God.

Oh look, a kitten.

No, I sure didn’t….

…. bring a lunch
…. get the memo
…. vote
…. get trained on the new phone system
…. train her on the new phone system
…. recieve that really important fax
…. finish laundry this morning
…. hear about that one thing that happened that one time
….  give a shit
…. talk to her last night
…. talk to him last night
…. get the mail
…. buy cat food
…. buy any cigarettes
…. change the oil
…. read your e-mail
…. find my camera
…. activate my bank card

……… all on a Tuesday morning. It’s great knowing that I accomplished a lot by not accomplishing anything.

Words are meaningless

(This is from one of my old blogs)

People say some interesting things.


(A common lie from a friend or family member)

“I’m here for you. No matter what. If you ever need anything, and I mean ANYTHING, I’m there for you in a heart beat, okay?”

“Okay. That’s great, because I really need you right now.”

“Oh? Well… umm…. yeah, you know…. I would be happy to help, buutt…. I have to take a shit in fifteen minutes. Yeah, it’s going to be a pretty epic dump… so epic that it will have an impact on my children’s children, and people will write hymns in it’s honor. Yeah, I can feel it being epic in my large intestines right now.  I’m sure after it’s been finished I’ll be so tired from it’s epicness that I won’t be useful for much. Sorry! But hey, any other time you need something, you be sure to holler, okay?”

Here’s a good one:

(Common lie gal pals say)

“You look great in that.”

“Really? I don’t think so”

“Well, you do, you should buy it and wear it on your date tonight.”

“No, I really don’t look good in this. It’s okay that I don’t, my self-esteem isn’t upside down about it. I just don’t look good in this.”

“Well… you do. No matter what, you look great in everything, you pretty little ray of sunshine, you. If he doesn’t like it then he just can’t accept you for who you are, and you don’t need that. A man should love you no matter how bad you look. Not to say you look bad! Because you don’t. You’re beautiful. I love you. Hey, let’s go get some ice cream.”

OOh, and this one:

(a common lie men say to women)

“That is so interesting. I think you should keep talking,  because I really like what you have to say. I’m so sensitive.”


“Of course I’m straight! Do these jeans make me look fat? OH EM GEE, I need some pomade, can I borrow yours?”


“You have nothing to worry about, I’m totally sterile. You’re legal to work in the US, right?”

There is truly is nothing better than having rainbows and unicorns humped up my rectum without the courtesy of lubricant.

Despite the frequent insult to my intelligence via fairytale ass reaming , my first impulse to give people the benefit of the doubt and trust their mouth fodder, despite my knowing (and by “knowing” I mean the result of using my brain matter, not my “feelings”) that words are meaningless and it’s the actions that should be considered when evaluating the intentions of a human being. This is very frustrating, as most people are “all talk and no action”.

I believe that if we were all honest with each other, life would be so much simpler. I find myself not always being fully honest only because it seems like that is the socially acceptable way to behave. Not that I purposefully lie to anyone, but I am very much in the habit of omitting certain things I say just to keep from having to explain myself, or to prevent a situation that would cause me to placate someone by telling them what they want to hear. I also tend to act neutral and indifferent when I’m really in a heightened emotional state just to make situations easier for all involved. This is getting hard over time, as the urge to gather a few select people I know into a small room with a stage and a microphone where I get up there and declare, “Fuck you, you all suck and here’s why” has been overwhelming lately.

I often wonder what people would feel if they knew what was really going on in my head. I doubt anyone could handle it. Maybe that’s why others lie; they themselves can’t handle the truth and they assume others are the same way,  so they lie to them because they expect to be lied to in return.  As long as everyone is lying to each other, it makes it okay, right?

I don’t know. Whatever the reason, it sucks.

With the exception of my father and my childhood friend of fourteen years, there is someone in my life who I have actually come to believe has never really gone out of his way to lie to me, or to make me believe he is something he isn’t. I have cherished every word he’s ever told me for this reason, whether I like what he has to say or not. What an exceptional and rare gem this makes him.

Honesty is an endearing quality, and keeps things simple, which is nice because life is complicated enough already.


Tourettes are funny.

They help make a great haiku.

Shit fuck ass pencil.